Even DBAs have devoted aunts. They are probably also oblivious to the mental anguish they cause to their relatives in the run-up to Christmas. What would be a suitable gift for someone so deeply in the grip of technophilia that they can tell you the difference between ten apparently identical brands of Smartphone, and have a couple of them stuffed in their pockets? Who then use them to discuss with colleagues the finer points of query-plan caching or buffer-chaining?

I’ve got it you cry.some amusing, techno-gadgets! Something they’d want to keep with them, at their desk at work, and maybe be reminded of the source of the gift. We’ve all seen them: the USB lava lamps, a Voltron USB drive, a USB-heated blanket, and toast hand warmers. No; this stuff might have some value to the type of geek that holes up in a drafty basement, secretly inventing new programming languages, or trying to break the latest record for overclocking a CPU. Many DBAs, however, would open the parcel with a frozen rictus of a smile, a gurgle of feigned delight.

A bit more imagination is required. So, here is an idea: a USB Home Brew kit. Plug it into your server or laptop and, with a bit of control software, you can keep the fermentation temperature at a steady 68F, and watch proudly as the brew progresses. Plus, the gentle bubbles of fermentation coupled with the faint odour of malt will be more satisfying, and relaxing, than any lava lamp.

Could I be wrong? I encourage you to submit your ideas for the most delightful, but yet-to-be-manufactured, Christmas gift for IT professionals. The winner will receive one each of every gift linked in this blog (or equivalent value voucher). Three runners up will receive a gift each.

Since this is my final Simple-Talk editorial of 2011, I would like to thank everyone for their support over the year, and to wish you all a happy festive season and 2012. I will probably be back in the New Year, depending on how well my new USB Home Brew business takes off.

Cheers,

Tony.